In my moving malaise, I am in a negative stage defined by pouting and proclivity to annoyance. Which, frankly, makes me annoyed with myself. We have moved before, and it has been hard, but it’s different this time around, more complicated. Self-awareness doesn’t make it any easier. I know that I can’t hit the fast forward button through these months, I have to struggle through and endure them. And I know that I will learn and grow as I struggle through what may be a difficult season for me, but what is not the end of the world as we know it.

No one can do it for me, and I can’t just pull myself up by my bootstraps and make it better. What I can do is trust that God has not forgotten me, that he loves me and cares for me. And, moreover, that I need him, in spite of my self-awareness and the “manageable” size of my problems, I need rescuing from my doubt, self-pity, failure and poverty of spirit.

“Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;
Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:
Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;
Lord Sabaoth, His name, from age to age the same,
And He must win the battle.” –Martin Luther

2 responses to “Negativity

  1. Kristen,
    I’ve always appreciated your honesty on here, but maybe never more so than now. It’s so hard when we know what we need to be doing, and in what attitude, but it’s just not there. This season is a grieving season, it seems, and everyone has different ways of dealing with that, and in different times. Praying that God woos your heart in your new location and fills it with joy.

  2. Thanks, Bekah. <3

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