This Classical Life

A must read post by a friend-of-this-blog. This post is sensitive in nature as it mentions an adopted child’s death at the hand of her parents - cardiac arrest brought on by spanking. Please pray for her sister, in critical condition, and for all families struggling with difficult to discipline children that this would not continue to happen.

This series will be a rambling collection of my thoughts. My intention isn’t to guilt or goad, but to encourage, if something doesn’t resonate with you, feel free to disregard it.

Parenting an infant is a baptism by fire. One day you have this tiny being with a stomach the size of his itty bitty fist, to feed and change and comfort all day and all night. One of the things that gave me clarity as we embarked on those early days with a baby was to think theologically about parenting, and come up with some ideas of family life that we could start to try to live out.

You are your child’s first view of God was one of the ideas I gleaned from Andrew Murray’s Raising Your Children for Christ. The one sentence I wanted to live out was “gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love.” (I still think of this daily.) I also meditated a lot on how the girls were not just my daughters, but my sisters in Christ through baptism, the least of these in God’s kingdom in many ways. Having a view of their identity in our family, and to God, helped me to filter different ideas of child rearing and care that I came across. (more…)

Lexi and I spend a good amount of time alone together in the car. One of our favorite activities lately is to put the ipod on shuffle and let her rate the songs. Here are some of her current favorites (in a “playlist” order.) I find her tastes interesting, somewhat unpredictable, and occasionally annoying (how can she reject Wilco and Ingrid Michaelson, for example?)

LEXI’S LIST . 2010.01
I Got You (I Feel Good) - James Brown
Video Killed The Radio Star - The Buggles
What I Like About You - The Romantics
I’d Rather Dance With You - Kings of Convenience
Run With All You’ve Got - Jon Black
You Make My Dreams - Hall & Oates
Proud Mary - Creedence Clearwater Revival
When I’m Sixty-Four - The Beatles
Chicago - Sufjan Stevens
The Littlest Birds - The Be Good Tanyas
Wrapped Up in Books - Belle & Sebastian
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Peace Like a River - Elizabeth Mitchell
Lovely, Love My Family - The Roots
My Girl - The Temptations
Shoo Fly - Elizabeth Mitchell
Beautiful Girl - Andrew Peterson And Randall Goodgame
Great Big World - Pierce Pettis
This Little Light Of Mine - Elizabeth Mitchell
Bedtime Lullaby - Mark Kozelek

I took the girls and two of their friends to see 101 Dalmatians: The Musical this afternoon. It was a good introduction to musical theatre, the story was familiar enough to follow along and the production was whimsical and child-friendly. If we had paid for a babysitter to go see it as a date, I probably would have been disappointed. But, that wasn’t the case, and the kids all had a great time, so I enjoyed it as well.

Parenting is one big adventure of shaping your children’s views of the world, life and everything, and doing things like this makes me consider how much we are exposing them to the arts. It makes me understand how people can get sucked in to over-scheduling with activity after activity because if you neglect one, you might miss a great gift or not develop a passion. I think we can all see how an excess of pursuits can tax a family in many ways, and distort a child’s view of his own importance, but drawing the line between good and too much can’t be easy.

How do you find balance in your family? Is it dictated by time, cost, number of pursuits per child?

Last week a mother lost her son. As a parent it always saddens me to hear when another parent has to bury a child. It’s one of the most classic examples of how things are not the way they are supposed to be.

This story has turned into a controversy. The controversy has mostly centered on whether or not it is appropriate to tweet about an emergency in the midst of it. If your community is online, it makes perfect sense to me. But that wasn’t the aspect of the story that most moved me to address it.

This child’s death was an accident and a tragedy. I would never say otherwise. However, I think parents should take pause to hear that his mother tweeted five or six times in the eight minutes proceeding the 911 call (about everyday matters) while also caring for her backyard chickens. Are we neglecting our kids to get a quick rush from a well-turned tweet or check up on someone we don’t really care about on facebook? How are we showing our children they matter more to us than our keyboards and smartphones?

Let’s not forget that the relationships that take the hardest work are the ones that bring us the most joy and fulfillment over the long haul.

One of the most amazing things about parenting is how much my children teach me about faith and following Jesus. I have been observing Lexi closely lately, we’ve had so much one-on-one time since Kate started kindergarten, and it’s so encouraging to watch her grow.

Of all of the people in our family, Lexi is the most likely to pray with and for me. Even if it’s something routine, that happens everyday, she never tires of praying for it. It amazes me how much she gets sin and brokenness, she doesn’t hide from them, she feels their weight. She shows me consistently how she wants to grow in maturity, praying that God would help her to grow more like Jesus. She wrestles with sanctification, asking the big questions like “why do I keep sinning when I ask God to help me to not sin?” With her tender heart and willingness to serve, I am confident that God will use her to minister to many others, like she ministers to me.

When she joyfully receives the bread and the wine tonight, I will be praying that God strengthens her to always follow after Jesus with the passion and faith that she demonstrates today.

A year ago, we were in the midst of trying to start a small city grammar campus - starting with just one class - of the local classical school that is sponsored by a large suburban PCA church. In a lot of ways, this was our ideal. School in the city, with an urban culture, but under the oversight of an established school and its board, with most of the factors such as curricula already decided for us. Michael taught at the upper school before law school, and we saw firsthand its many benefits and excellent results. However, the idea of sending our children 15 miles into the depths of the suburbs for 13 years of education (and driving our fair share of carpools there and back) was not that attractive. So the idea of a grammar school in the city (and then maybe a bus!) sat well with us, and we were very hopeful that we had a good chance of pulling it off.

Due to a number of different disappointing factors, things never coalesced, and we never reached the momentum we’d need to open with even ONE class. In mourning the loss of a great idea unrealized, I had a really hard time getting excited about the good and fine grammar school in the suburbs. Trying to think about how I would make it work even with carpooling, since Lexi’s preschool is 5 miles in the other direction (and it takes 40+ minutes to drive between the two), gave me a headache. And I feared the headache would continue every school day for the next two years as I drove non-stop, tiring myself out. (more…)

The AAP is now recommending keeping your toddler rear facing in the car for at least two years.

I’ve tooted my horn about this before. I’ve heard many parents say this looks uncomfortable to them, but kids get used to sitting with their feet curled up against the seat, they rarely sit “normally” in a seat at age one anyway.

Moms all over the internet are chattering about Hanna Rosin’s Atlantic article “The Case Against Breastfeeding” and after a few days of thinking it over, here’s some of my musings.

.1. The most significant problem to me isn’t breastfeeding itself, but the mommy culture of competition and venomous judgment. Taking good things (breastfeeding, organic food, natural toys, whatever) and making them a barometer for deciding who is and who isn’t a good mother turns the good things toxic. What we need most is to be for one another, and encourage one another. Parenting is full of choices, and we don’t all have to make the same ones. Even if we agree something is an ideal, we all fall short of the ideal in many ways, and we have to extend grace to one another and ourselves.

.2. The scientific argument that Rosin makes wasn’t that compelling to me as I followed her rabbit trails. So, breastfeeding doesn’t prevent childhood obesity. That wasn’t my primary reason for breastfeeding anyway. The study she cites of the sibling pairs is much more nuanced than she makes it out to be. As breastfeeding is the natural choice (”human milk for human babies”) isn’t the burden of proof on formula and not breastmilk?

.3. Breastfeeding for many women is difficult, especially in the early weeks. My first month with Kate was full of stress and tears. But once we got over that hump, it was a wonderful experience. Perhaps the struggle at the onset is so that new moms stop and rest and take care of themselves, we’ll never know, but it helped me to appreciate the gift of breastfeeding and not to take it for granted. Nursing did forge an amazing bond between the children and me. In all my busy-ness and bustle, I appreciated the reminder to stop and enjoy my baby, and breastfeeding was a regular way to do that. It was a sacrifice at times, but so are many parts of parenting, it comes with the territory. Maybe I have a hard time identifying with Rosin because nursing itself was never ever an overwhelming burden to me, nor did it feel like just another duty. Perhaps it’s those endorphins, but breastfeeding calmed and centered me and now that it’s over, I miss it.

.4. I do appreciate her thoughts on part-time breastfeeding. A lot of breastfeeding advocates are very afraid of supplementing with formula, as we have all known mothers for whom supplementing was a slippery slope of diminished milk supply. But we have also all known mothers for whom supplementation works just fine! As mothers’ milk production varies widely, what works for one, may not for another. Thus part-time breastfeeding might not be the “best practice” in the sense that for those with tenuous supply issues it might be harmful, but it’s certainly not a bad idea in and of itself.

.5. If breastfeeding itself after a good college try is causing a mother to be extremely stressed out and not enjoy her child, I would be the first to say to lay down the idol and pick up the bottle. It’s not worth that. All things being equal (without extenuating health problems, etc.) I found breastfeeding to be much simpler and less time consuming than all the steps necessary to make a bottle and feed the baby that way. So I was flummoxed by her arguments about breastfeeding not being free, as a mothers’ time is worth a lot, etc.

.6. Is breastfeeding really to blame for employers not being supportive of working moms pumping? Let’s place the blame squarely where it belongs, with the government, employers and society’s views of breastfeeding in general.

We have long since run out of shelf space in our house, even though we have some books boxed up and others tucked behind in the shelves, so I decided to move some of our children’s books out of the main bookshelves and into the girls’ room. Doing so brought out all these visceral reactions from when I read them for the first time, and I started pondering again about what makes a child a reader.

I believe in good books. Good books teach children about the power the written word can yield. I remember reading about Sadako and her paper cranes and weeping, just weeping, and wondering how God could have let that happen. From the Mixed Up Files made me feel like loving museums was a very good and normal thing to do. There were other books as well, that made me feel accomplished or informed or what-not. And they were important to my literary development.

And yet, I loved The Babysitters Club, and probably read every single one of them and all sorts of crazy books like Bunnicula and those books, books many people I respect would refer to as twaddle, were my bread and butter in elementary school. Reading everything I could get my hands on hasn’t seemed to dull my senses for the good and the beautiful in literature as an adult.

Maybe we all need a little of both to give us balance and perspective. Everyday books mixed with really good ones, the fine wine and the steaks of the bookshelf right along with the ramen and sweet tea. What say you?

If you are an expecting mother, or ever expect to be a mother, there is one key factor I have observed for a successful, natural childbirth: having a woman who has been there with you. You can (and should) read the books, take a class and think of coping strategies. But I have seen that having a trusted friend, your mom, or even a professional attendant (doula) with you is unparalleled. That woman can look you in the eyes and talk you through labor in a way no one else can. I was listening to a friend’s account of being present for another friend’s birth (a VBAC) and I was so excited for the both of them to have shared that experience, together. When I was preparing for Kate’s birth, I thought I wanted an intimate delivery room, with just the medical personnel and Michael. I was lucky to have a great nurse and a friend who came when I called from the hospital and asked her to, though I ended up with an epidural, I remember how soothing and comforting their presence was to me. With Lexi, I had the midwife (who has 10 kids, most of whom were born at home, including twins) and my mother to talk me through things. I am glad Michael was there as well (they are his children!) but there’s something about having someone who has done it there with you to say, “You can do this, too.” I’d be glad to be there for anyone who asked, if I was logistically able, and I think most women who have had a natural childbirth feel the same way. Don’t be afraid to ask!

I’ve been thinking about some situations where women need women, I will probably write a few more posts on this.

The public was scared about the lead found in cheap, imported toys. So, Congress nearly unanimously passed a law, the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA) with lots of new regulations to keep American children safe. Result of said law? Every manufacturer of children’s clothing and toys has to subject every batch to a third party for very expensive testing. Goodbye handmade toys. Goodbye anything for kids on Etsy. What is supposed to keep our kids safe will push the best toys out of the market completely. And baby slings? We’ll be back to only having a handful of mass produced choices. Some people have even dubbed the day it goes into effect “National Bankruptcy Day” because of the vast numbers of small businesses which will have to close their doors.

You can help. Go here for more information. Write your senators and congressman. Tell everyone you know. We have until February to save handmade for our kids!