This Classical Life

One of the hardest things for me about living with fibromyalgia is that the symptoms are more or less invisible to anyone but me, and hard for me to describe briefly or coherently. Maybe that I hurt everywhere, everyday. I wake up with a dull pain in virtually every muscle in my body and more acute pain in 3-6 places. These places will shift and intensify based on triggers throughout the day. Triggers are things like pressure against my body, repetitive motion, standing for too long, anything high-impact… It’s even hard to describe triggers as they are complicated. I doesn’t hurt very much to bend over and pick up one thing, but it hurts worse with each thing I bend over and pick up, until I can’t stand it anymore. There are times I reach that point and push through the pain because I have to do something, but I end up in tears on the floor. Sometimes its worth it. Sometimes it just isn’t. I also get headaches and facial pain very regularly. And no matter how much I sleep, I have a hard time feeling rested.

I am on drugs and they do make a significant difference. But it’s more of a taking the edge off than taking the pain away. Perhaps like the difference between being hit by a delivery van and being hit by an 18 wheeler, you are still hit by a truck either way. One of the things that is most difficult is that even though I have hurt everyday for years, I never get used to the pain.

Talking about it is strange. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, and most of the time, I don’t. I do get frustrated sometimes, but not everyday or every week. I have a pretty rich life. There are days that I want to stay in the fetal position and try not to cause myself any more pain than I feel at the moment I wake up, but I am just adventurous and extroverted enough to know that I can’t live like that for long.

Back in MAY, Dolly tagged me for 7 random things about me. Elizabeth recently tagged me for 6 quirky things about me. Here are some random and/or quirky things about me.

I delivered my second baby in my parents’ bathtub (on purpose.)

I don’t experience thirst. Seriously, I am almost never thirsty. Since I don’t experience thirst, I have to make myself drink. Vitamin Water is a big drink of choice. So much so that my children call it “mama juice.”

I was on nationally-syndicated local TV show called Action News for Kids as a reporter and anchor when I was about 11, and had to quit when we moved away.

On the one hand, I am a foodie, I love good food, I have an italian chef grandma, it’s in my blood. On the other hand, I think fast food is really good *in moderation* I just love all food.. Except for Chef Boyardee. I have never tasted it because my mother and my grandmother finds it abhorrent and never bought it and neither have I. So maybe I love that too, but I’ll never know. There are definitely some things from my vegetarian youth I don’t care for at all. Lima Beans. TVP. Carob. But for the most part, food makes me happy.

If I could have any job in the world (and be a good mother, etc. or maybe before I had kids…) I’d be Mo Rocca. He just gets to do so much fun stuff.

I vomit at least four or five times a year. I don’t know why, I am just prone to throwing up.

I really like making lists. Lists of Bests and 43 things are cool, but nothing beats a good old fashioned list on paper.

If you need blog fodder, consider yourself tagged. That means you, Noah.

Dear Brad and Angelina,

Congratulations on the twins and all of that. It’s great to have a big family. The nannies must be nice. But, how dare you steal my firstborn son’s name*! First, you are going to popularize it, or at least, moreso than it is now. And the percent of the population who doesn’t believe we are naming him for a reformer will think we are naming him that because of you.

Someday Perpetually Misunderstood,
me

*It’s been my firstborn son’s name for at least 14 years. And no, it’s not for the reformer. It’s a very prominent family name.

We have been sleeping in the city since Sunday night, and will close on the old house tomorrow, Lord willing. We are all tired and grumpy and wishing that we were settled, but really excited about our new space. We definitely couldn’t have chosen better. Kate cried when we had to run back to our old house, she was worried that we’d have to stay there. But once that was settled, we had some good visits with our old neighbors. We’ll all miss them, but we are glad to only be 20 miles away.

Since we’ve returned from the beach, our move is more or less imminent, even in the minds of our children. The first time we drove back into the city, I heard behind me Kate exclaim, with a joyous sigh, “the city! We get to live here!” It was the sort of tone children might use when describing Disney World. To our children, the city means living near friends and our church, being in closer proximity to museums and other fun parks and places for adventure. In some ways, we will all miss our idyllic small town street, big yard and sweet bungalow. But we are looking forward to our new home in our new neighborhood, a true urban neighborhood with shops, restaurants and mixed income housing, with a rich and important history. We are blocks away from a research university and hospitals, and within a mile or two of the all of the business district and museums. It is a neighborhood I could see us growing old in. Believing that we needed our time in the bungalow and God used it to grow us and heal us, we are still looking forward to moving to the city, for more reasons than these. The city has drawn us in.

We’ve been planning to buy the next release of the iphone since Bush declared he’d send us some cash, so we joined the throngs Friday. I’ve definitely used some great features and apps already, and will get a lot of use out of them, but I am not buying games or spending time finding the perfect app for x or y, so I think my time fiddling is already minimizing a great deal. Some of my favorite finds were jott (why was I not using it before?) and save benjis. I really enjoyed being out and about and saying, “Let’s do something fun. Hey, I think there’s a drive-in somewhere nearby.” And being able to quickly find out the location and what was playing so that we could go straight there, no fuss.

Moving is always a hassle, and we are supposed to start next weekend. Unfortunately, we are still waiting on final appraisal numbers, eleven days before closing. Please pray that all goes well. Moving has inspired me to sell some things, including the nursery furniture. Lexi and Kate are camping out on their floor until my parents have a chance to bring the bunk beds that my siblings and I used growing up. Hurrah for classic furniture that stands the test of time. They must be almost thirty years old now, and still going strong.

Kate got a camera for her fourth birthday. The pictures she and Lexi take can be found here.

Watch over thy child, Kate, O Lord, as her days increase; bless and guide her wherever she may be, keeping her unspotted from the world. Strengthen her when she stands; comfort her when discouraged or sorrowful; raise her up if she fall; and in her heart may thy peace which passeth understanding abide all the days of her life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

—

Today we celebrated Kate’s fourth birthday with friends here, and it was a really great night. Kids and grown-ups coming together for food and fun. All her gifts were a big hit, except for a bag of clothes, which she peeked in and discreetly explained that she would open later. :) She actually did graciously look at all of them later and was excited about them. She is such a delightful girl, and I am so glad that she is our daughter.

American Pastoral by Philip Roth
This is one of the best modern novels I’ve read, hands down. It captures the human experience breathlessly with a great story written exceptionally well. Heartbreaking, yet enjoyable, beautiful, yet full of despair. It does contain quite a bit of obscene language, if that is something that turns you off, please be aware. 10/10.

Prince Caspian by C. S. Lewis
I am re-reading the Chronicles this year, and this is my second book in. I’ve always liked Caspian because it captures a lot of the magic of Narnia well, but it is fairly slow, and certainly not my favorite of the lot. But a very solid offering in the series nonetheless. 8/10.

The Second Wives Club by Jane Moore
For a light beachy read of little consequence I won’t think of much again - I liked it just fine. It’s not profound, but it does explore with some depth the trials and tribulations of being a second wife. 6/10.

Compassion, Justice and the Christian Life by Robert Lupton
This book has a great deal of wisdom about charity and community development in the life of a Christian. Much of it is composed of things I already knew from much more tedious reading or life experience but these insights are packaged winsomely and easily understood and digested by a broad audience. The chapters are short, the book is thin, and you will not come across many things so profitable that are its equal in ease. 10/10.

Intuition by Allegra Goodman
A book about an astonishing discovery in a lab, and the way that it affected a workplace and relationships. Perhaps my problem was that I heard a few too many positive reviews, but I just didn’t find this to be that amazing, it was predictable and a little boring, and the writing was not exceptional. 5/10

Persuasion by Jane Austen
Persuasion is a gem, but the sort that takes preparation. It’s immensely enjoyable after you’ve read other Austen, and you can see the development in her writing, the differences and similarities. Anne Elliot is a good heroine, but a different one, one very little like me, but with admirable qualities I can respect and some that I pity. The plot and characters are very Austen, but with some subtle growth. I am really looking forward to discussing this with my book club! 10/10.