I am grateful for the hope and peace that Christ’s ascension brings. Our Savior rules and reigns from the right hand of the Father, advocating on our behalf. That’s good news.

Of course, we have lots of events for the upper school as well. It just adds to the crazy. For example, today we had awards assembly, an in class awards ceremony, the senior art show and I made a lot of peanut butter cream pies for a bake sale. And I am teaching a class at church and Kate has girl scout events and…

Most of these things are fun, so I expect we will survive, but next year I am starting all the May costumes in February. And I will not turn down any offers of Starbucks delivered.

We live in a society dominated by metrics purported to determine merit, grades and standardized test scores, sales figures and evaluations. And somehow that mindset trickles down to parenting. Turning parenthood into a competition starts early. “How old is she? How many hours is she sleeping?” “Did you give birth naturally?” Mommy bloggers post about all the minutia of babyhood in a way that makes it seem like an accomplishment.

Dr. Sears coined the term attachment parenting, and brought some of its practices to light in mainstream American society. It makes me really sad to see his work equated with competitive parents who brag about how long they co-sleep or judge others for having their baby on a schedule.

However, the media seems obsessed with the idea that attachment parenting is about mommy martyrdom. Though there are AP moms who judge other people very harshly, that’s more about them and the culture of competitiveness in our society. If you never leave your toddler or preschooler in a nursery, with a babysitter, or even with your spouse, that’s a personal choice, not one that has been dictated by the philosophy itself.

I read The Baby Book after Kate was born, and I was already naturally adopting those principles based on my own instincts and philosophy of childrearing. I found his writing warm and flexible, for example: “Do the best you can with the resources you have – that’s all your child will ever expect of you… Use these as starter tips to work out your own parenting style – one that fits the individual needs of your child and your family. Attachment parenting helps you develop your own personal parenting style.” (from What AP is.)

Motherhood is hard work. In our own human effort to build ourselves up and find meaning in our lives, we turn our choices into accomplishments, our children into gold stars that show our worth. Whether we are bragging about how many hours they slept alone in their crib or how many kids share our bedroom, we are getting it wrong every time we find our value in life that way.

We are all different, and so are our children. There is no single approach that will work for all families or personalities. That’s not to say that we ought not ever talk about our choices or seek encouragement, we all need a little help sometimes. But we need to see our own choices as doing the best we can, with what we have, where we are and give our mommy-neighbors the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the same.

Most days, I ask Lexi what she did during recess. More often than not, chasing Robert is mentioned. Robert is the son of friends of ours, and in the other kindergarten class at school.

For months, I tried to figure out why Lexi chased Robert. She would say “I don’t know, it’s just what we do.” I discouraged it. Finally, she started telling me, “Mom, Robert wants me to chase him. He likes it.” “Why do you think he likes it?” “He likes it. Let’s not talk about this anymore, please!”

Just recently, we were going over to their house, and Robert’s 3-year-old brother proclaimed with glee, “Kate and Lexi are coming, and Lexi is going to chase Robert!”

Something suddenly clicked for me, and I understood. We all want to be chased, pursued, and wanted: by romantic partners, friends, God. Like a child on the playground, we are begging to be chased.

Sometimes I think we run just to see who will chase after us. It is a way we test relationships, to see if someone loves us enough to pursue us.

Robert is tall and fast. He can slow down and let Lexi catch him, or run fast enough to keep away. That level of control is pretty attractive. But even with our best illusions of dominion, there are always a few things outside of our control.

Perhaps we will stumble on a rock in the path, or our own shoelaces. Other times, like the lost sheep, we run and then we cannot find our way back home.

I remember the lost sheep I know, and pray that they would have the clarity of a small child, to see why they are running and stop in their tracks. I pray they would let themselves be found.

In the midst of it all, I am resting in the promise today that the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost. I am longing for the day when we will all hang up our running shoes for good, and live in perfect relationship with God and with each other. But I am thankful for all those who pursue others with godly love and care as we labor on this side of eternity.

Last week I changed my ringtone to the Knope 2012 theme song. Not quite sure what other people think when they hear the stylings of Duke Silver. But I love television, especially Parks and Rec, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

It’s easy to take a stand for a fake candidate. It’s been very interesting to me to watch the state of North Carolina grapple with amendment one from a distance, via facebook and blogs and news reports. I have been surprised by how many friends have taken a stand and publicized their position, like my friend Kari did on her blog. That’s a lot more gutsy than my ringtone. Most of them are promoting a civil dialogue with wisdom and careful rhetoric that I wish our elected leaders would try to emulate.

Though I cannot vote, my thoughts were well summed up by John Hood, president of the conservative John Locke Foundation.

I think amending North Carolina’s constitution to forbid gay and lesbian couples from receiving any future legal recognition, including civil unions, is unwise and unfair. In my opinion the real threat to marriage is not the prospect of gay people getting hitched. It is the reality of straight people too quickly resorting to divorce, or never getting hitched in the first place.

Should I assume and say that anyone who supports the amendment, including friends and colleagues, must be a bigot? Should they assume and say that anyone who opposes the amendment must be faithless, or hostile to family values? Not if we want to live and work together in a civil society. And not if we actually want to persuade rather than to preen, persecute, or provoke. Most North Carolina voters, it seems, are likely to support the amendment. I disagree with them, but that doesn’t mean I should say they all have small minds or evil intent. Once you start down that road, you end up ranting and raving to an ever-shrinking audience characterized by uniform views and smug self-satisfaction.

Love one another, North Carolina. Be good neighbors. I’m praying for you.

Yesterday one of Michael’s students posted this picture on instagram with the caption “Lexi ♥ school celebrity.” It was taken at a soccer game where Kate and Lexi found many laps to sit in, backs to ride on, kids to play with, dogs to walk and even iPhones surrendered to game on. We ended up heading to our favorite restaurant after the game as a family with four students and one parent and it was delightful.

On the way home, I asked Kate about her day, and she mentioned that during recess her teacher came outside to walk, and Kate had joined her. Her teacher asked her about what she thought about her first school year in Memphis and told her how much they all enjoyed having her. “How did it make you feel?” I asked her. “Mom, I have never had so much fun walking.”

Today they announced that Michael will be serving as one of the four house masters next year. When I picked up the girls, so many upper school students stopped me to say, “Tell Mr. Stewart congratulations!”

Westminster is a special place. I’m glad we’re a part of it.

The Hunger Games, Catching Fire & Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins: I finally read these. I was initially impressed, but eventually couldn’t help thinking there is a great deal of wasted potential in this series. Still, they are fun, thought provoking and I’d recommend reading them if you interact with teenagers at all just for the conversation fodder. (7/10)

I have no idea why I’ve avoided The Seven Laws of Teaching by John Milton Gregory for so long. Yes, a lot of it is self-evident, but it’s still a good read for teachers. (8.75/10)

Handful of Dust by Evelyn Waugh is funny in a biting, satirical way (this is not Jeeves) but with surprising empathy and sinister twists, in turn. A truly enjoyable classic. (9/10)

Breath by Tim Winton is very moving, a serious and beautiful coming of age story set in rural Australia. I liked his writing voice but found the structure really distracting — there are no quotation marks and quite a bit of dialogue. (8/10)

I read The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak again this month and gave copies away. It’s beautiful and unique and you should read it. (9.5/10)

“I pray to God about all of this and he doesn’t give me what I want!” Her tone was filled with anger and betrayal.

As I listened to Lexi, I realized that I have been feeling the exact same way. Angry that God doesn’t seem to want the same (good) things that I do or chose to manifest them in the ways I think would be best, on my timetable.

Explaining to my kindergartener how God loves us more than we can imagine, but that loving us isn’t the same as giving us what we want is a sobering exercise. Not because she could not understand it but because I wonder how we can be struggling with the very same things. I realize that my example of striving to believe more deeply is something she is already noticing because it is already relevant to her, and I pray that I would not lead her astray. I pray that my life would be an example of faithfulness.

One passage of scripture that I have meditated on countless times came to mind. “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” When I feel far from God’s goodness, I proclaim in confidence that I will experience it again. And it helps.

I’m still failing at Easter, but I’m a little more hopeful today than I was a few days ago, that remedial work may be making a difference. Like a little child learning how to tie my shoes, I am trying my hand at practicing resurrection.

SOMETHING TO LISTEN TO:

Fort Atlantic’s sampler EP available to download for free on Noisetrade is really fantastic. Fort Atlantic is a new project by Jon Black and friends and Dualtone is going to release the full-length debut album at the end of May. Right now you can pre-order it as a limited edition nintendo cartridge modded to hold a USB drive (so amazing and very fitting.)

SOMETHING TO READ:
Abstinence is Death is the best thing I have read about Christianity, sex and singleness in a long time. I’ve thought about it a lot this week, and hope that we can speak with our single friends (and eventually, our children) with wisdom and honesty instead of false promises.

Black-Eyed Pea Nachos from Whole Foods Market: inexpensive, quick, easy, meatless and my whole family liked them. So we’ll be making them again.

Chicken & Roasted Broccoli Salad with Goat Cheese from Perry’s Plate: light and tasty, we all enjoyed this. I made some couscous and mixed it in with my leftovers and it was pretty decent cold, too.

Jambalaya (pictured below) is an old recipe of mine I’ve tweaked slightly. It’s my favorite excuse for making chocolate bread pudding.

Dave Lieberman’s Noodle Kugel: if you’ve never had it, you ought to try it. My friend Blakely and I made some for an event at school and I think it was a hit.

Spinach and Cheese Strata from Annie’s Eats: I made this for a brunch, and added a pound of sage sausage (cooked, crumbled and layered in between the spinach and cheese.) Personally, I thought it was the best breakfast casserole I’ve ever made, and a bunch of people asked me for the recipe. I don’t think the sausage was necessary, but it was Easter and I wanted it to be filling and rich.

Split Pea Soup from Simply Recipes is a must-make if you’ve got a ham hock. I have omitted the leek and it’s still tasty.

Will your grace run out
If I let you down
‘Cause all I know
Is how to run

‘Cause I am a sinner
If its not one thing its another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are the Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

Will you call me child
When I tell you lies
Cause all I know
Is how to cry

I am a sinner
If its not one thing its another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are the Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful
{ALL SONS & DAUGHTERS}

If we had stayed in Birmingham after Michael graduated, we were praying about moving to R——e. One of the things that made me most excited about living in R——e was community development work like the youth garden.

Our friend Keith (husband to the girls’ amazing Spanish teacher, both pictured above) took two vacant lots donated by the neighborhood community development corporation and turned them into organic gardens where he employed teens (both working in the gardens and selling the produce at farmers markets) and generally involved the neighborhood from planning to getting dirty to enjoying the harvest.

The funding that made R——e Youth Garden possible has fallen through. I rarely promote causes on this blog, but I’d encourage you to think about making a donation. R——e Youth Garden provides access to fresh, organic produce, education about food, and a sense of hope and pride to youth in this community.

Yesterday Kate and Lexi saw me looking at some pictures on facebook and said, “That’s Farmer Keith in his garden! Remember when he showed us all the worms? And let us water? He grows the best peas on earth there!”

(Kate holding out some peas she gleaned from the youth garden last spring. They really were exceptional.)

Keith is patient and kind, the perfect person for this sort of work. He delights in little things like lifting up compost and helping kids find worms. He is a good teacher and listener. As a bonus, has a background in accounting and did an internship with Jones Valley Urban Farm. If we hope for urban renewal, we need a lot of Keiths, investing in neighborhoods in our cities. There’s so much work to do, it can feel overwhelming at times. But we have an opportunity to save R——e Youth Garden, or at least, help it through the summer while they restructure, fundraise and plan for the future, so they can continue to invest in R——e and empower that community.

I really wish we were in Birmingham and could give our time to help in the garden. If you are and can, contact Keith, he’ll put you to work. One simple way to help: if you shop at Pepper Place Market Saturday mornings, look for R——e Youth Garden and give them your business. Tell others to do the same.

If you don’t live in Birmingham but are moved to help, I’ll sweeten the deal. If you donate $25 or more to R——e Youth Garden, I will make you a free custom design from my etsy store. (Offer good to the first five people who ask, and follow through on the donation end.) Let’s work together to help each other do good and love our cities.